Nardog

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"The Chaos" by Gerard Nolst Trenité:^[1][2]

Dearest creature in Creation,
/ˈdɪərɪst ˈkriːtʃər ɪn kriˈeɪʃən/

Studying English pronunciation,
/ˈstʌdiɪŋ ˈɪŋɡlɪʃ prəˌnʌnsiˈeɪʃən/

I will teach you in my verse
/aɪ wɪl tiːtʃ juː ɪn maɪ vɜːrs/

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
/saʊndz laɪk kɔːrps kɔːr hɔːrs ən wɜːrs/

It will keep you, Susy, busy,
/ɪt wɪl kiːp juː ˈsuːzi ˈbɪzi/

Make your head with^[3] heat grow dizzy;
/meɪk jʊər hɛd wɪð hiːt ɡroʊ ˈdɪzi/

Tear in eye your dress you'll tear.
/tɪər ɪn aɪ jʊər drɛs juːl tɛər/

So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer,
/soʊ ʃəl aɪ oʊ hɪər maɪ prɛər/

Pray, console your loving poet,
/preɪ kənˈsoʊl jʊər ˈlʌvɪŋ ˈpoʊɪt/

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it?
/meɪk maɪ koʊt lʊk njuː dɪər soʊ ɪt/

Just compare heart, beard and heard,
/dʒʌst kəmˈpɛər hɑːrt bɪərd ən hɜːrd/

Dies and diet, lord and word,
/daɪz ən ˈdaɪət lɔːrd ən wɜːrd/

Sword and sward, retain and Britain,
/sɔːrd ən swɔːrd rɪˈteɪn ən ˈbrɪtən/

(Mind the latter, how it's written!)
/maɪnd ðə ˈlætər haʊ ɪts ˈrɪtən/

Made has not the sound of bade,
/meɪd həz nɒt ðə saʊnd əv bæd/

Say—said, pay—paid, laid, but plaid.
/seɪ sɛd peɪ peɪd leɪd bət plæd/

Now I surely will not plague you
/naʊ aɪ ˈʃʊərli wɪl nɒt pleɪɡ juː/

With^[3] such words as vague and ague,
/wɪð sʌtʃ wɜːrdz əz veɪɡ ən ˈeɪɡjuː/

But be careful how you speak,
/bət biː ˈkɛərfəl haʊ juː spiːk/

Say break, steak, but bleak and streak,
/seɪ breɪk steɪk bət bliːk ən striːk/

Previous, precious; fuchsia, via;^[4]
/ˈpriːviəs ˈprɛʃəs ˈfjuːʃə ˈvaɪə/

Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir,
/paɪp snaɪp ˈrɛsɪpi ən kwaɪər/

Cloven, oven; how and low;
/ˈkloʊvən ˈʌvən haʊ ən loʊ/

Script, receipt; shoe, poem, toe,
/skrɪpt rɪˈsiːt ʃuː ˈpoʊɪm toʊ/

Hear me say, devoid of trickery:
/hɪər miː seɪ dɪˈvɔɪd əv ˈtrɪkəri/

Daughter, laughter^[5] and Terpsichore,
/ˈdɔːtər ˈlɑːftər ən tɜːrpˈsɪkəri/

Typhoid; measles, topsails, aisles;
/ˈtaɪfɔɪd ˈmiːzəlz ˈtɒpsəlz aɪlz/

Exiles,^[6] similes, reviles;
/ˈɛksaɪlz ˈsɪmɪliz rɪˈvaɪlz/

Wholly, holly; signal, signing;
/ˈhoʊli ˈhɒli ˈsɪɡnəl ˈsaɪnɪŋ/

Thames; examining, combining;
/tɛmz ɪɡˈzæmɪnɪŋ kəmˈbaɪnɪŋ/

Scholar, vicar and cigar,
/ˈskɒlər ˈvɪkər ən sɪˈɡɑːr/

Solar, mica, war and far.
/ˈsoʊlər ˈmaɪkə wɔːr ən fɑːr/

From "desire": desirable—admirable from "admire";
/frəm dɪˈzaɪər dɪˈzaɪərəbəl ˈædmərəbəl frəm ədˈmaɪər/

Lumber, plumber; bier but brier;
/ˈlʌmbər ˈplʌmər bɪər bət braɪər/

Chatham, brougham;^[7] renown but known,
/ˈtʃætəm bruːm rɪˈnaʊn bət noʊn/

Knowledge; done, but gone^[8] and tone,
/ˈnɒlɪdʒ dʌn bət ɡɒn ən toʊn/

One, anemone; Balmoral;
/wʌn əˈnɛməni bælˈmɒrəl/

Kitchen, lichen; laundry, laurel;
/ˈkɪtʃɪn ˈlaɪkən ˈlɔːndri ˈlɒrəl/

Gertrude, German; wind and mind;
/ˈɡɜːrtruːd ˈdʒɜːrmən wɪnd ən maɪnd/

Scene, Melpomene, mankind;
/siːn mɛlˈpɒmɪni mænˈkaɪnd/

Tortoise, turquoise,^[9] chamois-leather,
/ˈtɔːrtəs ˈtɜːrkwɑːz ˈʃæmi ˈlɛðər/

Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
/ˈriːdɪŋ ˈrɛdɪŋ ˈhiːðən ˈhɛðər/

This phonetic labyrinth
/ðɪs fəˈnɛtɪk ˈlæbɪrɪnθ/^[10]

Gives moss,^[11] gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.
/ɡɪvz mɒs ɡroʊs brʊk broʊtʃ naɪnθ plɪnθ/

Billet does not end like ballet;^[12]
/ˈbɪlɪt dəz nɒt ɛnd laɪk ˈbæleɪ/

Bouquet,^[13] wallet, mallet, chalet;^[14]
/bʊˈkeɪ ˈwɒlɪt ˈmælɪt ˈʃæleɪ/

Blood and flood are not like food,
/blʌd ən flʌd ɑːr nɒt laɪk fuːd/

Nor is mould like should and would.
/nɔːr ɪz moʊld laɪk ʃʊd ən wʊd/^[10]

Banquet is not nearly parquet,^[15]
/ˈbæŋkwɪt ɪz nɒt ˈnɪərli ˈpɑːrki/

Which is said to rime with^[3] "darky".
/hwɪtʃ ɪz sɛd tə raɪm wɪð ˈdɑːrki/

Viscous, viscount; load and broad;
/ˈvɪskəs ˈvaɪkaʊnt loʊd ən brɔːd/

Toward, to forward, to reward,
/tɔːrd tə ˈfɔːrwərd tuː rɪˈwɔːrd/

And your pronunciation's O.K.
/ənd jʊər prəˌnʌnsiˈeɪʃənz oʊˈkeɪ/^[10]

When you say correctly croquet;^[16]
/hwɛn juː seɪ kəˈrɛktli ˈkroʊkeɪ/

Rounded, wounded; grieve and sieve;
/ˈraʊndɪd ˈwuːndɪd ɡriːv ən sɪv/

Friend and fiend; alive and live;
/frɛnd ən fiːnd əˈlaɪv ən lɪv/

Liberty, library; heave and heaven;
/ˈlɪbərti ˈlaɪbrəri hiːv ən ˈhɛvən/

Rachel, ache, moustache;^[17] eleven.
/ˈreɪtʃəl eɪk məˈstɑːʃ ɪˈlɛvən/

We say hallowed, but allowed;
/wiː seɪ ˈhæloʊd bət əˈlaʊd/

People, leopard; towed, but vowed
/ˈpiːpəl ˈlɛpərd toʊd bət vaʊd/

Mark the difference, moreover,
/mɑːrk ðə ˈdɪfərəns mɔːrˈoʊvər/

Between mover, plover, Dover,
/bɪˈtwiːn ˈmuːvər ˈplʌvər ˈdoʊvər/

Leeches, breeches;^[18] wise, precise;
/ˈliːtʃɪz ˈbrɪtʃɪz waɪz prɪˈsaɪs/

Chalice but police and lice.
/ˈtʃælɪs bət pəˈliːs ən laɪs/

Camel; constable,^[19] unstable;
/ˈkæməl ˈkʌnstəbəl ʌnˈsteɪbəl/

Principle, disciple; label;
/ˈprɪnsɪpəl dɪˈsaɪpəl ˈleɪbəl/

Petal, penal and canal;
/ˈpɛtəl ˈpiːnəl ənd kəˈnæl/

Wait, surmise,^[20] plait,^[21] promise; pal.
/weɪt sɜːrˈmaɪz plæt ˈprɒmɪs pæl/

Suit, suite, ruin, circuit, conduit^[22]
/sjuːt swiːt ˈruːɪn ˈsɜːrkɪt ˈkɒndɪt/

Rime with^[3] "shirk it" and "beyond it",
/raɪm wɪð ʃɜːrk ɪt ən biˈɒnd ɪt/

But it is not hard to tell,
/bət ɪt ɪz nɒt hɑːrd tə tɛl/

Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
/hwaɪ ɪts pɔːl mɔːl bət pɛl mɛl/

Muscle, muscular; gaol; iron;
/ˈmʌsəl ˈmʌskjʊlər dʒeɪl aɪərn/

Timber, climber; bullion, lion,
/ˈtɪmbər ˈklaɪmər ˈbʊliən ˈlaɪən/

Worm and storm; chaise, chaos, chair;
/wɜːrm ən stɔːrm ʃeɪz ˈkeɪɒs tʃɛər/

Senator, spectator,^[23] mayor.^[24]
/ˈsɛnətər spɛkˈteɪtər mɛər/

Ivy, privy; famous, clamour
/ˈaɪvi ˈprɪvi ˈfeɪməs ˈklæmər/

And enamour rime with^[3] "hammer."
/ənd ɪˈnæmər raɪm wɪð ˈhæmər/

Pussy, hussy and possess.
/ˈpʊsi ˈhʌsi ən pəˈzɛs/

Desert, but dessert, address.^[25]
/ˈdɛzərt bət dɪˈzɜːrt əˈdrɛs/

Golf,^[26] wolf; countenance; lieutenants^[27]
/ɡɒlf wʊlf ˈkaʊntənəns lɛfˈtɛnənts/

Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants.
/hɔɪst ɪn ljuː əv flæɡz lɛft ˈpɛnənts/

River, rival; tomb, bomb, comb;
/ˈrɪvər ˈraɪvəl tuːm bɒm koʊm/

Doll^[28] and roll and some and home.
/dɒl ən roʊl ən sʌm ən hoʊm/

Stranger does not rime with^[3] anger,
/ˈstreɪndʒər dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈæŋɡər/

Neither^[29] does devour with^[3] clangour.
/ˈnaɪðər dəz dɪˈvaʊər wɪð ˈklæŋɡər/

Soul, but foul and gaunt, but aunt;^[30]
/soʊl bət faʊl ən ɡɔːnt bət ɑːnt/

Font, front, wont;^[31] want,^[32] grand, and, grant,^[33]
/fɒnt frʌnt woʊnt wɒnt ɡrænd ənd ɡrɑːnt/

Shoes, goes, does.^[34] *) Now first say: finger,
/ʃuːz ɡoʊz dʌz naʊ fɜːrst seɪ ˈfɪŋɡər/

And then: singer, ginger, linger.
/ən ðɛn ˈsɪŋər ˈdʒɪndʒər ˈlɪŋɡər/

Real, zeal; mauve,^[35] gauze and gauge;
/ˈriːəl ziːl moʊv ɡɔːz ən ɡeɪdʒ/

Marriage, foliage, mirage,^[36] age.
/ˈmærɪdʒ ˈfoʊliɪdʒ ˈmɪrɑːʒ eɪdʒ/

Query^[37] does not rime with^[3] very,
/ˈkwɪəri dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈvɛri/

Nor does fury sound like bury.
/nɔːr dəz ˈfjʊəri saʊnd laɪk ˈbɛri/

Dost, lost,^[38] post and doth, cloth,^[39] loth;
/dʌst lɒst poʊst ən dʌθ klɒθ loʊθ/

Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.
/dʒɒb dʒoʊb ˈblɒsəm ˈbʊzəm oʊθ/

Though the difference seems little,
/ðoʊ ðə ˈdɪfərəns siːmz ˈlɪtəl/

We say actual, but victual,
/wiː seɪ ˈæktʃuəl bət ˈvɪtəl/

Seat, sweat, chaste, caste;^[40] Leigh, eight, height;
/siːt swɛt tʃeɪst kɑːst liː eɪt haɪt/

Put, nut; granite, but unite.
/pʊt nʌt ˈɡrænɪt bət juːˈnaɪt/

Reefer does not rime with^[3] "deafer,"
/ˈriːfər dəz nɒt raɪm wɪð ˈdɛfər/

Feoffer^[41] does, and zephyr, heifer.
/ˈfɛfər dʌz ən ˈzɛfər ˈhɛfər/

Dull, bull; Geoffrey, George; ate,^[42] late;
/dʌl bʊl ˈdʒɛfri dʒɔːrdʒ ɛt leɪt/

Hint, pint; senate, but sedate;
/hɪnt paɪnt ˈsɛnət bət sɪˈdeɪt/

Scenic, Arabic, pacific;
/ˈsiːnɪk ˈærəbɪk pəˈsɪfɪk/

Science, conscience, scientific;
/ˈsaɪəns ˈkɒnʃəns ˌsaɪənˈtɪfɪk/

Tour, but our, and succour, four;
/tʊər bət aʊər ən ˈsʌkər fɔːr/

Gas, alas^[43] and Arkansas!
/ɡæs əˈlɑːs ən ˈɑːrkənsɔː/^[10]

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
/siː aɪˈdiːə ˈɡɪni ˈɛəriə/

Psalm; Maria, but malaria;
/sɑːm məˈriːə bət məˈlɛəriə/

Youth, south, southern; cleanse and clean;
/juːθ saʊθ ˈsʌðərn klɛnz ən kliːn/

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
/ˈdɒktrɪn ˈtɜːrpəntaɪn məˈriːn/

Compare alien with^[3] Italian,
/kəmˈpɛər ˈeɪliən wɪð ɪˈtæliən/

Dandelion with^[3] battalion,
/ˈdændɪlaɪən wɪð bəˈtæliən/

Sally with^[3] ally;^[44] yea, ye,
/ˈsæli wɪð ˈælaɪ jeɪ jiː/

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!
/aɪ aɪ aɪ aɪ hweɪ kiː kiː/

Say aver, but ever, fever,
/seɪ əˈvɜːr bət ˈɛvər ˈfiːvər/

Neither,^[29] leisure,^[45] skein, receiver.
/ˈnaɪðər ˈlɛʒər skeɪn rɪˈsiːvər/

Never guess—it is not safe;
/ˈnɛvər ɡɛs ɪt ɪz nɒt seɪf/

We say calves,^[46] valves, half,^[47] but Ralf!
/wiː seɪ kɑːvz vælvz hɑːf bət reɪf/

Heron; granary,^[48] canary;
/ˈhɛrən ˈɡrænəri kəˈnɛəri/

Crevice, and device, and eyrie;^[49]
/ˈkrɛvɪs ən dɪˈvaɪs ənd ˈɛəri/

Face but preface, but efface,
/feɪs bət ˈprɛfəs bət ɪˈfeɪs/

Phlegm, phlegmatic; ass, glass,^[50] bass;
/flɛm flɛɡˈmætɪk æs ɡlɑːs beɪs/

Large, but target, gin, give, verging;
/lɑːrdʒ bət ˈtɑːrɡɪt dʒɪn ɡɪv ˈvɜːrdʒɪŋ/

Ought, out, joust and scour, but scourging;
/ɔːt aʊt dʒaʊst ən skaʊər bət ˈskɜːrdʒɪŋ/

Ear, but earn; and wear and tear
/ɪər bət ɜːrn ən wɛər ən tɛər/

Do not rime with^[3] "here", but "ere".
/duː nɒt raɪm wɪð hɪər bət ɛər/

Seven is right, but so is even;
/ˈsɛvən ɪz raɪt bət soʊ ɪz ˈiːvən/

Hyphen, roughen, nephew,^[51] Stephen;
/ˈhaɪfən ˈrʌfən ˈnɛvjuː ˈstiːvən/

Monkey, donkey; clerk^[52] and jerk;
/ˈmʌŋki ˈdɒŋki klɑːrk ən dʒɜːrk/

Asp, grasp,^[53] wasp; and cork and work.
/æsp ɡrɑːsp wɒsp ən kɔːrk ən wɜːrk/

Pronunciation—think of psyche!—
/prəˌnʌnsiˈeɪʃən θɪŋk əv ˈsaɪki/

Is a paling, stout and spikey;
/ɪz ə ˈpeɪlɪŋ staʊt ən ˈspaɪki/

Won't it make you lose your wits,
/woʊnt ɪt meɪk juː luːz jʊər wɪts/

Writing "groats" and saying groats?^[54]
/ˈraɪtɪŋ ɡroʊts ən ˈseɪɪŋ ɡrɪts/

It's a dark abyss or tunnel,
/ɪts ə dɑːrk əˈbɪs ɔːr ˈtʌnəl/

Strewn with^[3] stones, like rowlock, gunwale,
/struːn wɪð stoʊnz laɪk ˈrɒlək ˈɡʌnəl/

Islington and Isle of Wight,
/ˈɪzlɪŋtən ən aɪl əv waɪt/

Housewife, verdict and indict!
/ˈhʌzɪf ˈvɜːrdɪkt ən ɪnˈdaɪt/

Don't you think so, reader, rather,^[55]
/doʊnt juː θɪŋk soʊ ˈriːdər ˈrɑːðər/

Saying lather,^[56] bather, father?
/ˈseɪɪŋ ˈlɑːðər ˈbeɪðər ˈfɑːðər/

Finally: which rimes with^[3] "enough,"
/ˈfaɪnəli hwɪtʃ raɪmz wɪð ɪˈnʌf/

Though, through, plough, cough,^[57] hough, or tough?
/ðoʊ θruː plaʊ kɒf hɒk ɔːr tʌf/

Hiccough has the sound of "cup"......
/ˈhɪkʌp həz ðə saʊnd əv kʌp/

My advice is—give it up!
/maɪ ədˈvaɪs ɪz ɡɪv ɪt ʌp/

*) No, you are wrong.^[58] This is the plural of "doe".
/noʊ juː ɑːr rɒŋ ðɪs ɪz ðə ˈplʊərəl əv doʊ/

That this is absurd does not prevent its happening.
— J. C. Wells, Accents of English (1982), p. 106